Moulting - How to Be Free

I think today is the exact midpoint of my life. Things that were, became no more and things that will be, will be. I have planned and struggled to get this far in life. The course of events have led me to this place of peaceful contentment. Yet, each moment of the day, I say "What's the plan?" Where do I push on to? What will keep us safe? What is left undone? What will I regret and how will I get hurt?

It is the pushing forward day by day that has got me to today. It would have had I planned or not. Today I realized the plan is complete, the seeds were sown, nurtured, harvested and shared. Today I plan no more, I don't feel inadequate about what isn't done, or what people think, or what might happen. I think back on days, and years and times and they are my flowers, my weeds, my summer air. I am free.

I didn't feel free just a couple of hours ago. Being in bed all day, down with chronic problems, I thought of all that wasn't being done and sadly things I wished I had done that had not.

I was down for weeks on end this summer. Lots of chores did not get done. It didn't matter so much though, many crops failed this year, without my help, because of the wacky weather. I still have a long list of chores, here let me show you:

1. smoke meat, brisket to pastrami and pork to bacons and hams
2. bring in fertilizer to dry to be used on indoor tomatoes, cukes, and peppers
3. drill holes in birch logs for 300 mushroom plugs (this is first of the list)
4. hunt for wild mushrooms, last week before it freezes
5. find where the squirrels are stashing the walnuts and put them in freezer
6. pick apples, pears, plums and grapes - good thing they are all late ripening
7. pick rosehips and weeds for winter chicken feed
8. do in the turkeys, I am sad about this
9. cook 40 pounds of tomatoes into sauce, saurkrut a 10 pound cabbage
10. put tomato cages around indoor veggies
11. plant mesclun and Chinese brassicas to grow inside
12. winterize chicken coup, haul wheelbarrow loads of wood chips for bedding
13. winterize outdoor seedlings in pots by moving to a shelter spot and mulch
14. bring in dalias and glads
15. move worm bins indoors, fill them for winter
16. dishes and sweeping, this never comes off my list
17. finishes mending
18. move beads and inventory back into workshop
19. Thresh saved seed heads
20. I could go on and on and on

The little accomplishments, that never seemed to make a difference, always do. Last year we had a record amount of fruit and I still have lots frozen, even though we ate at our pleasure all winter. If I hadn't put it up last year, we would be lacking this winter. My garden is full of plants, from seeds planted only once, but have been growing more for many years. The same can be said for the chickens and the fruit trees and bushes. This year, without any assist from me, there are 40 new chickens. We are well stocked and secure in our readiness for winter.

I do not have to plan anymore, life doesn't seem a struggle any longer. My place is to be available, as I am needed by my garden, literally and figuratively. It is a beautiful place to be.